Archive for January 29th, 2010

For 20 years I have preached the message, to anyone who would listen, and probably even those who wouldn’t, that we are created equally, albeit in varying packages.  I have sought to redefine fitness, proclaiming it isn’t about an unattainable perfect ideal, but rather finding your unique personal best, advocating choosing activities for enjoyment, how they make you feel, instead of how they “might” make you look.  I have vehemently exposed fitness myths too numerous to list, desperately wanting to redefine what we think of as attractive, expanding our ideals of beauty.  I have wanted us to be free to love ourselves in the moment, as we are, rather than using unrealistic fitness goals to perpetuate dissatisfaction with our current selves.

Inspired by a friend, I asked myself why was I driven beyond reason to take on such an enormous task?  The answer was a long time coming, and it didn’t come all at once, but gradually unfolded until it lay in front of me. If I could change what the world viewed as beautiful in a woman, then maybe I could change how I viewed myself, that my expanded definition of beauty might then include me…

I have since discovered, try as I may, my view of myself has not truly transformed in a permanent sense, rather has continuously ebbed and flowed.  Much like a child’s tower of blocks, my self esteem on some days is big and tall, and on other days is completely knocked down, but physical activity is now part of the self confidence building and enhancement process, not a way to berate myself.

I remember many years ago being ecstatic I would be attending the World’s largest fitness professional conference in Las Vegas, but my excitement was clouded with doubt about being at an event with 5000 of the fittest people imaginable.  Something  happened.  I met a woman in a wheelchair with a seeing eye dog, navigating from session to session, and in that moment realized how absolutely ridiculous and narcissist my worries were.

When the voice (you know the one) creeps in, planting seeds of doubt, I yell back. “I love my legs. I am strong.” I love that I can run, walk, hike up mountains, surf a wave, dance like crazy and practice Yoga. When I focus on the remarkable gift of being healthy, alive and able bodied, I truly love every inch of my body and myself.